(no subject)
Aug. 14th, 2024 04:47 pmI just happened to see something about a guy talking about having a panic attack and suddenly remembered two (maybe three?) instances when I was a teenager when I had what I realise now were panic attacks and actually quite severe ones but I never even thought about them before like that, I never realised that's what they were, even though they were actually more severe with more alarming symptoms than others I've had. I mean during both of them I couldn't see anything, my vision went totally black as if I was fainting (I didn't faint though), I couldn't hear because there was such a loud ringing in my ears. This was along with the sudden sense of severe nausea.
Weird, that I never really registered those as panic attacks before, or even just how that really wasn't normal to experience something like that, but then, these happened when I was sitting in a classroom amongst other people and nobody noticed so I guess I just sort of assumed... if nobody else noticed anything wrong it can't have been anything really wrong. But I think also maybe that's because I didn't, paradoxically maybe, actually feel like I was panicking then? It was just like oh something is happening to me, it wasn't like not being able to breathe, or the sense of being very detached from my body it was very... insular, like the opposite of being detached almost, I was very much compressed down into my body because I couldn't see or hear anything, the external had ceased to exist. It wasn't even frightening really because... it was like emotions didn't exist. It didn't feel like panic or anxiety. That's probably why I didn't really register them for what they were actually because it's like... surely you feel like you're panicking and afraid if you're having a panic attack but somehow even going temporarily blind and essentially deaf as well wasn't really frightening somehow, it was kind of too overwhelming to be frightening.
That is so strange though.
Also actually quite useful to remember since I'm writing a story with a character who has panic/anxiety attacks sometimes (albeit ones related mostly to his PTSD).
Weird, that I never really registered those as panic attacks before, or even just how that really wasn't normal to experience something like that, but then, these happened when I was sitting in a classroom amongst other people and nobody noticed so I guess I just sort of assumed... if nobody else noticed anything wrong it can't have been anything really wrong. But I think also maybe that's because I didn't, paradoxically maybe, actually feel like I was panicking then? It was just like oh something is happening to me, it wasn't like not being able to breathe, or the sense of being very detached from my body it was very... insular, like the opposite of being detached almost, I was very much compressed down into my body because I couldn't see or hear anything, the external had ceased to exist. It wasn't even frightening really because... it was like emotions didn't exist. It didn't feel like panic or anxiety. That's probably why I didn't really register them for what they were actually because it's like... surely you feel like you're panicking and afraid if you're having a panic attack but somehow even going temporarily blind and essentially deaf as well wasn't really frightening somehow, it was kind of too overwhelming to be frightening.
That is so strange though.
Also actually quite useful to remember since I'm writing a story with a character who has panic/anxiety attacks sometimes (albeit ones related mostly to his PTSD).